intimidated.

i guess i kind of had this coming.
i've been having pretty positive experiences in relation to my new church...
today my world feels like its coming unglued.
i don't think i'm going to fit in with the college christian group i tried going to tonight.
and i don't have a support system up here at college.

i feel like i NEED to have outside communication and a social life...but it seems impossible.

and then today i realized (again) i'm 19, i do not want to live like i'm married, with my boyfriend. i'm not ready. there's so much more i need to fix about myself and learn FIRST, before i can be committed to another like that...
and that i want my own independence and time away from him. i want friends and social groups.
none of this was made better when i was looking online (facebook nonetheless) that ALOT of the people i USED to call friends, still talk to each other. and of course i just think, what did i do wrong?
and just feel like a complete failure..and left out.

maybe i won't be able to keep this budding relationship with God..